Wednesday, September 30, 2009


im posting yo ass here
stop bugging me

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

this is stupid

i dont think i'm that willing to make a fool out of myself anymore.

Monday, September 28, 2009


HE HUGGED ME and we rode in a cab
argument inside the cab
went to his house
got back together
checked his new phone..first pic was US.

getting online is getting tad too depressing for me

Thursday, September 24, 2009


The petals have long wilted and the candles turned to soot and wax. How could the perfection that was yesterday so easily been forgotten? Something had happened along the way. Whether it had been one argument too many or one kiss too few neither could have recognized until it was too late.

It was after all an ephemeral luxury. A doomed beauty. A mirage.

Love,as it was, had no patience.


Their lips touched however barely. There was no drop, only a slow merciless descent.

“Happy Valentines.”

The February stars cascaded upon them and he took her hand.

“I love you.” she said for the last time.

“I love you too.” he lied.

The One that has to stay

People always talk about the one that got away.

The “perfect” one. The “I want to marry you right now” one. The “everything you could ever love” one. The “too good to be true” one. The “you broke my heart but I still love you” one. “THE” one. The one that got away.

It’s interesting because whenever there’s a one that got away there always has to be another one who gets left behind. The one that had to stay.

Nobody ever talks about the one that had to stay.

You know, the one who the one that got away got away from. The one whose love just wasn’t enough. That one who didn’t have the luxury of falling out of love. That one who had to be kicked out of love. The one who had to love the hard way. The one who didn’t leave. The one who didn’t know how not to stay.

The one who had to love by letting go.

The one that just couldn’t make the one that got away…stay.

Nobody ever talks about that one.


am i just your comfort zone??

something i made while you were plotting how to break up with me

I am not a Patient Person
When i find something that i want
i can find a way to get it
I like to play by the rules but have been known
to bend them from time to time when it counts.

i cry when im upset
i have too many worries in my life that ill never solve
i have not been that hungry lately

this might not be pretty but i have got
to find a way to fight, to beat the odds,
to prove to you that i'm worth it.

i am learning to keep my mouth shut
to be a quiet thing every day even though
it's eating me up inside, i will not say a word

i am trying

...then you broke up with me

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

oh you smart sexxay thang..

woke up to your missed call, and you asked me if i could go over to your house before 7am, woke up despite having only 4 hours of sleep(cause you are my darling nommmnommm), arrived at your house pag 6:23, you asked me to close my eyes and i did..

....then i heard the theme song of BIG BANG THEORY!!! weeeee!!!
rap: until now wa paka ka memorize sa song?
*watched the whole season with him next to me while we were eating hot and sour soup.


Tuesday, September 22, 2009

cause i am in love with you- emo emo emo

i would promise to be true
and id help you understand..
i know you've been inlove before
and we both found out that love
is more than holding hands.

I know you've given your heart to me
are you sure from the very start?
cause i am sure that i love you more than him.

im not going to run and hide
and i love you oh very much
i'll never hurt your pride like him.


Monday, September 21, 2009

So, are you gonna ride my mini-cooper or what?"

lastweek has just got to be the most challenging week ever in our relationship.

I found out the hard way that if a person wants to be alone, you should give that person
the time he needs-especially if that person is brooding about a problem that's unrelated to
your relationship.
I've also learned NOT to meddle. up to date- i luv NOT meddling. THINGS are way simplier
if you do so.
I've come to be close with Rap's mum for the past 2 weeks or so. I could talk to her about
our relationship (and how much i love her son) and just about anything. I also relish on
the fact that Tita Nelly is in favor with our relationship, even her friend, Tita Lilian
claimed (-to quote) that "you and raprap really look good together".

Friday- it started out as a gloomy day for us-since we almost broke up the last night
--well not technically cause rap just slept for
most of the day til his 2:30 clas (he waited for me the whole night while we both whispered sweet somethings to each other..), we met up at ayala around 4 and I made his PSYC project.
Since i wanna do it with extra TLC, i designed it with doodles using an orange glue.
Little did i know that Rap was in a bit of a hurry and it actually took SOME (2hours?) time
for the glue to dry out, his project looked abit haywired after and he's an hour plus late
for his TC subject (--did i also mention that it was raining dogs and cats and EVERYONE will
literally kill for a cab?). Secretly ordered SALMON SASHIMI AT RAIRAI KEN to make him feel better.
After his class, I surprised him with Salmon Sashimi at Rai Rai ken and i think it was I WHO WAS EFFIN SURPRISED.
RAI RAI KEN'S SALMON SASHIMI MELTS IN YOUR MOUTH AND NOT ON YOUR CHOPSTICKS. --but oh god, it's such and expensive addiction!
Met up with Wafa after and she mentioned something about going to
DOCE- (turns green with jealousy) but rap wasnt really in the mood to go to doce, so we ended
up going home after his class. His friend texted him asking him to go with them at their
friend's bday celeb.
So much for spending the night together. It would have been okay with me if i go out with wafa
(she was alone at doce!) and that id just dance the night away. But no, i was alone at his room,
watching Watchmen and falling in and out of sleep for every few minutes.
Rap left around 11. He came back drunkass around 5. Imagine how angry I am repeating to myself that
it wouldve been okay if i was with wafa the whole night. but no, i was alone in his room, watching
dr. manhattan glow in all his glory.
That has just got to be one of the most depressing nights ever. I was also drunk with my self-pity thoughts that while
my boyfriend was having fun wherever he was, i was alone and cold and feeling coped up.
He came back looking so sheepish and saying he was sorry,
oh well, one day wasted. literally and figuratively.

Saturday Morning- Miraculously, the both of us woke up early. He was feeling the effects of the beer and I was
just totally eager to get out of his room. We went to colon to buy clothes and TA DAH! as a surprise, Raprap bought
Sims3 for yours truly! i was so floored that i got speechless there! :D he installed it (despite the fact
that he was feeling hung over) and he left me to play all i want!! (he had a consultation sched re:his thesis
and he has to go to TC).
We met up at Ayala (oi, i cleaned his room) and he felt somber all over again. The feeling of helplessness washed over me
and as much as i want to supress it (And try to eat) i cant. That Saturday night was my night with my barkadas and as much
as i try to stay indifferent, I am affected with Rap's sudden mood shift. He took me to my friends and after a short while,
he went home by himself.

There were a lot missing though, Lor Karab,Marco, the Salvadors, Roy, Daryl (he made apas sa karaoke-oz and
dax too)and etc (more pics will be updated soon. Pics taken from Ella's cam). We went to this secluded karaoke-han right beside Gaisano Bowling Complex at Banilad. It was abit pricey but it's clean and we can go all wild since no one cares what
we do. I felt happy cause i was able to sing "basang-basa sa ulan by aegis" Course, since most of us are there, it's also the
cheapshot night. But since Daryl was at the Outpost, it was a holds-barred cheapshot night.
After karaoke, we went to outpost cause we wanna apas with Steve, Den and Dar's cousins.
It's actually my first time in Outpost. and i did not enjoy it one bit. There were alot of crass people, and someone
actually had the chutzpah to ask for my number.. and I FCUKIN HATE HATE HATE strangers.
Decided to go to Rap's house and we had a deep talk about our relationship. course, details will be kept confidential.
All i can divulge is that we both are committed and we are crossing both our fingers that sana, kami na nga talaga. Watched
this amazing guy you know, my boyfriend, play DoTA till i felt too sleepy to function. We fell asleep hugging each other.
Catch is, we are of perfect fit. :D

Sunday-woke up late cause we are amazing. yee-uh. Felt hungry since i wasn't able to eat much. Rap and I went out pag 6pm na,
had dinner at Sinangang Express, coffee at Bo's Terraces,grocer at Metro, gave in to our Salmon Sashimi craving and ended the night at his place, we got hungry again around 2 in the morning so we cooked whatever food we can find in his kitchen. Again, another miracle, i texted with Jeszha on the wee hours of the morning cause she was piss ass drunk, she confessed some stuff to me which sorta got me pissed about someone. DILI NA LAGI MAG MEDDLE OKAY?
I got totally high for a while pag kadlawn, i remembered the lizzie borden creepy ryhme and sang it to my uyab who was playing FALL OUT 3
"Lizzie Borden with an axe, gave her mother forty whacks,
when her father saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one"
I remember chanting that and saying alot of incoherent things. ORGASM was that GOOD. (censorship super low, this is my
blog after all) i ALSO remember JEszha and i singing,
"i love you, you love me,
let's go out and kill rappeee
with a great big gun from me to you,
please say you'd kill him toooo"
I could tell that my boyfriend was starting to feel creeped out cause i was singin it while pretending to go synchronize swimming leg motion with my red shoes"

Slept around 5 in the morning at his place again. Went home just now sukad pa pag friday, All in all, counting Tuesdays until now, while i'm writing this shiznit in my netbook notepad, i've only slept for an average of 4-5 hours. I'm currently at my rent's room right now- 09/21/09 4:01pm. Will prolly skip dinner and sleep at 7pm--im crossing my fingers on an 11-hour sleep.

oh, and did i mention that Rap doesn't have a phone as of the moment? in the heat of our argument, he threw away his phone.

this is going to be an interesting week

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

MR. Fortune Teller was a liar!

I asked him a question in which he said yes but no, I DID NOT GET MY WISH last night

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Monday, September 14, 2009

quantifying sexy..daw. haha

AND OF COURSE!..mawala ba diay ka, ako nalang siguro ang nahabilin na fan nimu. haha

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Friday, September 11, 2009

hutdon ko na ni

You Can Be Deeply Passionate Sometimes

You like people, but you're careful about who you get close to. Friendship is important to you... so important that you aren't just friends with anyone.

You fall in love with ease and confidence. Even if you've had bad experiences in the past, each new love is a reason to start completely over.

You are deeply passionate about several things in your life. You're not passionate about much... and the few passions you have are truly obsessions.

Your sense of humor is sarcastic, snarky, and realistic. You're not exactly happy-go-lucky.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

My Friday Chant

~I am crossing my fingers on getting through friday without you having an episode; only God knows how, til now, i try to prevent you from having one.

it has been almost half a year since that incident happened and the seed of regret still never fails to overwhelm me.
I can't rephrase nor paraphrase how sorry i was. i have, for as long as we are together, all the time to show you how sorry i am and in any way i could, i will make it up to you.

ive never been a religious person but as friday looms ahead, i go gaga asking God for tenacity so that I could hold on to you.

Starting to Delete this in my computer

Guys Like That You're Fun

You're the type of girl guys brag about knowing

That's because you're cool, funny, and laid back

You're smart enough to know how to be one of the guys

But flirty enough to know how to make them all want you

Tuesday, September 8, 2009


@Bo's Terraces, enjoying my almost hurot coffee. On my left are a bunch of Korean guys talking and what made my eyes go lipat was that the other guy have the same fone as mine.
anyway, i found this picture at and this picture made me remember the start of our attraction towards each other (rap, if you are reading this right now, skip, im being disgusting)
I remember watching you play Tekken at Timezone and I was alone and bored.. When you were about to leave, you had an afterthought of asking me to make bangka coffee to you cause "i owe you one". I had nothing else better to do so I said yes. We had coffee @ Bo's near EastWest and hpnestly, I can't remember what we were talking about; what i remember was the lingaw feeling when i was with you.
The circumstances were wrong back then.
I'm just uber glad that we are together now.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Bestfriend Tribute

Jeszha Joy Cutillar, my twin, my other half, the one who keeps me well grounded. the one who gives me my terribly needed dose of reality, my mojo


Thursday, September 3, 2009

Hey, this girl is in love with you

You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect - you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there." -Bob Marley

--remember the time when we used to almost not say anything to each other cause we both know what we are going to say? :) i used to make a joke about it re:us not needing to talk at all cause we make our own conversations na.
that kind of shiznit still happens now. :)