RACECAR

is actually a palindrome.
wow.
i'm not being sarcastic here. i think i've been watching a lot of movies for the past 2 weeks that i forgot as to which movie ive heard that line.
i was disappointed with tropic thunder. they had many wacky lines, but that's the thing, it's just too many. the scene where jack black took out his mini gun out of his soiled underwear disgusted the h*ll outta me but i still think it's hilarious though.
good thing i stuck around to watching the movie credits in the end cause if i didn't, i wouldn't have noticed that TOM CRUISE IS ACTUALLY THERE (haha *spoiler much?)

oh..oh..oh.. i suppose you'll never know..

i am going to be in a photoshoot for aboitizland branding!YIPEE!
as far as i know, it's going to be a photoshoot for internal uses only. i don't know if it's going to be on a public display.. BUT HONESTLY, im crossing my fingers on it. i've had my semi "exposure" stints at kuya biga's "my girl" kickass vids, some random pictorials for my friends and it sorta stopped when i had a boyfriend (except the my girl vid) cause he doesn't want me to be exposed THAT much in any way.
but this photoshoot has a yuppie feel theme. i'm really uber excited by it cause it's been too long since i had a pro take a pic of mine. needless to say, i'd rather be in the photos than take one.
all in all, i think this is a start of a good week, i'm going to meet up with a close friend of mine who just came back from sing..and this weekend, i'm going to stay at home the whole day this saturday cause it's my mum's beeday and instead of going to the walk casa verde (as planned), she'd rather stay home and invite our wacky relatives over and cook (this is one of the rare times that i'm going to stay at home the whole day this saturday... but i wanna watch tropic thunder though..hmm..) SO.saturday is my dvd plus love love relatives day. since im really becoming a social hermit now, i decided to give my mum tsi for her beeday.

all i could say about saturday is

HHAAHHAHAHAHHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

god i never had that much fun in my life! but id rather keep the details to myself.

back to what's new with my life.

since a cousin of mine is a gadget freak who stays in the house claiming she's bored and she doesn't have anything better to do, i decided to play with her mind and ransacked her tamagochi (i havent been making a lot of my sense..prolly cause i od'ed on endorphins last weekend)

currently: i have a tamagochi (no,its not a dog, it's a tamagochi,idiot) which needs a lot of caring since its just a year old. i can't stop feeding it and it can't stop poo-ing!it needs to eat a lot and be vaccinated when i turns another year older. it has a bigger appetite than mine and it can't stop jumping all over!
REGRESSING.

online shopping

is HUGE LOVE.
i've become addicted to it for almost 2 weeks now and pay day was just 2 days ago and funds are dwindling *sweats.
aside from the fact that it's almost the weekend and i just have to buy A NEW SININA..
either that, or i hafta rearrange my clothes.again.crap.

ive seen a cheap replica of havianas online (wtv the spelling is) and ive been thinking of buying it.. but then, i now have 4 havianas, what am i going to do with a fake one? but i like to buy a fake plain white tho..
wc again reminds me, jeebus, i wonder why people can be so stupid (offense intended) to buy those fake slippers with the name HAVANAS. people!!! buy banana peel! it's more colorful and chic compared to those cheap looking HAVANAS!!!
and ive seen some photos of people wearing bikini top and shorts!
people! don't be uber conscious with your stretch mark! wax that pubes, be confident and sashay the day away!
my 2 unworn bikinis are waiting for me..hmmm..

why do i feel like?

every day is a saturday? is it because to all those who are studying (or to those who are STILL in school right now),they are enjoying their sem break?or is it because it's my first time NOT to have a sem break?should i be happy about this because im over with school and i am currently earning money and not bumming around at home?or should i be somehow envious to all my friends who are still studying cause they're going to go to the beach on a WEEKDAY?

hmm....

well, due to some FORESEEN circumstances, my social life is back to negative (not *secret insert here) so THIS saturday, this will be my appointments:

6:00-6:30::: Annual Tree Planting of ACO and Aboitizland (et. al)
approximately 1ish::: Attend Pristina North's Open House. (EVERYONE is invited)
approximately 5ish::: Go to ----------------------------------- some sorta occult party. haha. ill keep the details.

*im on the brink of something beautiful yet private here. help me out will ya?! :p

pondering, pondering, pondered!

few secs ago, i was chatting with my friend to whom i gave this linkie (i am pimping my blog). and he made a comment about us, taxpayers, paying (somehow) for the upkeep of UP (i dont wanna know the amount breakdown) just the thought of me paying my taxes faithfully (not by choice) and them taking advantage of it, gives me the shivers.
not to be an asshole or anything, but i propose to close UP down if this is the case. i mean, im paying more than enough for my congressman and mayor and etc for their lifestyles and other expenditures (ie,graft and corruption). BUT FOR PETESSAKE! im not gonna pay for someone else's school or tuition fees or whatsoever! that's one of the main reasons why i dont wanna have a kid!cause i dont wanna pay for someone else's "necessary" expenses!jeebus!
oh wait, id like to thank our HR department for having an update with the BIR minimum tax law. thank you.

quotable lines fr. bridget jones-the edge of reason

the whole dating world is ilke a hideous game of bluff and double bluff with men and women firing at each other from opposite lines of sand bags. it's as if tehre is a set of rules that you a re supposed to be sticking to, but no one knows what they are so everyone just makes up their own. then you end up getting chucked because you didnn't follow the rules correctly, but how could you be expected to, when you didn't know what they were in the first place?

you cannot expect anything to change unless you change. i am taking things into my own hands!

You can't have everything you want in life. some of what you want but not everything you want. its not what happens to you in life tha counts but how you play the cards you are dealt.

The whole point about exes is that friends should punish and ignore them, not try to get on with both sides in manner of TONY and CHERIE with CHARLES and DIANA. (HAHAHA!)

~on princess diana:
i hope that she k nows now after all the times she worried about not being good enough, look what everybody felt about her. really, all this should give a message to women who are worried about how they look and being rubbish and expecting so much of themselves just not to worry so much.

You see, what I have laerned is the importance of detaching from other people's lunacy as one has enough to worry about keeping oneself on course

DURRRR!! YAR YAR!

currently reading bridget jones diary: the edge of reason (the second book, im done with the first)

helen fielding has a writing style more or less the same with marian keyes.. although there are some parts of the book that emanates negative energy (or maybe its just me) and there's just points in it that makes you feel hopeless about her life (or yours,or mine, i dunno the difference already)
one things for sure, i like brit chic books compared to american ones. they're whimsical, light, clever and fast-paced. (bridget jones is fast paced. i hate her mum tho.haha)

updates later. i have to go to darling sophia's baptism

my multiply account

i created a new multiply account.
i feel that it'd be a waste if i just store my pics here in my pc without the whole world to see it (conceited much). soon ill post random blogs and links there.
baby steps, baby steps.
oh, add me up: www.juicyfer.multiply.com

from the grapevine i call radio

i just heard that our government is closing the ONLY UP Cebu.
i wasn't able to hear the full details (me not being an alumni of UP, i seriously think that not being late for work is more important than hearing what the reporter has to say about this)
but IF, and IF, they are closing UP here cause there's a lack of school population (wc, btw, i believe otherwise{alot of people are born for UP,alot of them also declined that opportunity?why?don't even get me started}). 'tis not a reason nuf. UP has a reputation of accepting students who excel and IF just cause they are closing UP cause there's a lack of that quality with our students nowadays, then i move to propose that all schools who (by a special standards) don't give students who apply for UP the right weapon of education they need, be closed also.
*sigh, if only i have the enough power.
i don't understand what i'm saying anymore.

i feel sad, for you

i won't have qualms or whatsoever in making this post public (i dont know how to post it in private anyway)
i pity you, really.
i've had a lot of people judge me so abruptly all my life, but for the life of me, i never really knew that you, of all people, would be included among them. ive always believed the best in people, so it sorta kicked me in the ass when you posted a blog about me, on urs.
it wouldve been okay if you were the saintly type. but i know, for a fact that you've been seeing someone else besides your boyfriend. as i've said to you yesterday, i dont really care what you do with your life cause its none of my business.
i was hoping that ud also do the same. but u didn't.
i have no plans in blackmailing you.yet. but i just want you to know where you stand, and that, i know you, your insecurities and your attitude,in general.
so, don't. just don't, intrude on my private life.
by the way, it also irked me that you were implyng that i was flirting with your boyfriend,jeebus, i'm not. :) im sure your boyfriend also called you yesterday to say that. i also advised your boyfriend for him to not me let me see you..only god knows what i might do.
but dear, i admire your guts.. you just forgot the fact that you are picking on the wrong girl.
and you mentioned something about claws and gossip yes?im not asking you to bring it on. you can post anything on your blog for all i care, but i can post something about you on somewhere else where including your parents, might read it. no, im not threatening you. im just saying you should know, where you stand.

and before i knew it

it's already day something something.

i woke up feeling groggy. then i realized that finally, i was able to sleep.
today is my feel good day. im going to feel good and there's just no way im going to feel so sentimental about it. anymore. im not moving on. i know.

GUESS WHAT?!!! as a part of my feel good moments, i totally splurged on an uber sexxxxay underwear at TOPSHOP!! and i promised myself im gonna buy sexxay underwear, for myself and myself alone every pay day.
baby steps, baby steps.

it has always been me and you. it will always be us

ive seen with my 2 eyes the sheer impossibility of it all. Aside from the fact that prolly im never going to see the light of the day anytime soon,
ALL the odds are against me.all i have is my fitness first idea (wc is useless) and my bestfriend.
my mum stayed with me for the whole night. she is scared of what im going to do with myself.
actually, i am too. im scared.but there are alot of worse things than being scared.
its being alone.
and the thought of you taking your love for granted without actually realizing it.
and the thought of your love knowing about what you've done.
and knowing inside yourself that you couldve stopped it before its too late, but not having the courage to do so.
the thought of everyone hating you,being angry with you.

just to talk to him, would be too much, no words could come out of your mouth.that look, that loathing look he usually gives to other people but you, cause all he gave you was love,understanding
time,and more.
how can i tell him its not bullshit?how can i tell him that as it gets longer, it didnt get any easier,at all?
now i know what he felt when i left him.when he asked me to take him back,when he cried alone at night, no one really being there for him
while i was out, i was having "fun" i was making the most out of my life.

and that secret selfish thought that you just wanna take him away from everyone, protect him from them eventhough you are the one who hes going to stay away from
and staying away he would.i know he would.
and knowing this time, you would give up everything, absolutely everything to have him back, to cuddle him, to rock him in your arms till the both of you cry to hold him and just not let go.
to keep him for yourself, cause he deserves all the love that he lacks.
and being so sure, that after what you did, he doesn't love you anymore..now when you've realized that losing him is losing half of yourself.
i dont want this. i dont want these thoughts.i dont want these flowery words.
~
for me to ask to the devil if i could just turn back the time 4months ago,i couldve stopped the fights,the petty arguments,the lousy excuses.EVERYTHING.

i am hurt, i am deeply hurt. not because of what he's doing to me,but because of what i did to him.
what a fragile and vulnerable angel he is.and i corrupted him. corrupted his trust.
i cancelled the thought of me talking to him. its just useless.id rather have the fond memory of him on my mind,the one when we are most happiest
(The one when we are on each others arms) than meet him now and see the cynic, disgusted look on his face.

Sometimes, i close my eyes. And think really really hard..i could almost smell him..i could almost smell his nape which i love to burrow on..
the scent of his after work shirt which i dearly love.i could almost feel him pinching my nose with his hands.i could almost feel him caressing
my face.i could almost picture him out mouthing i love you to me which never fails to give me a sense of satisfaction knowing that i was really lucky to have him.

i was.but now i am not. ive thrown him away unintentionally. ill never get to smell him, or even the mere nearness of him.
now more than ever.

and lastly, the one where he hugs me losely,while asking me "you are never gonna leave me again right?" and me answering "never"
because i have no plans on leaving him.ever.
my lack of courage and love for truth made him leave.
yes i cheated on him.and now that its too late, i cant have him back.now when it's really over,and the thought of "why did i ever hooked up wit that guy anyway" is now in my mind
he hates me
i love him
and im so so scared to even say it now more than ever.
it will never work.
never again.

day 2 of the survivor series

i had someone choke the life out of me last night.

i felt the transition..the bluriness of vision, the bulging of eyes, the gasping of every breathe,the wheezing, the flailing of my hands. i guess it's every man's instinct that as much as he wants to die, he's goingto hold on to his dear life.
but i welcomed it. i welcomed everything.i was even glad that i am going to die. i knew and i am sure that there's just nothing going on for me now. i lost him. and i didn't know he was my life til he broke up with me.
every waking moment i feel like my gut was being punched over and over again and that my insides are spilling out while im walking and there's nothing i can do to get it back.
i cant say anything to him that will sound bullshit and overrated. im trying to make it simple.

he took a part of me that is unrecoverable and now i have to live without it.
so what exactly is the point of living if i am living without him?
im going to try and kill myself again tonight.

notes from postsecret

~even when you are unladylike i could look in your brown eyes and know that i would have been happy with you forever.

~if i fall in love again and marry, my future husband is indebted to you. thank you for being an incredible first love.

~when i wrote on your hand i should've written "i love you"

**but then, everything that comes out of my mouth is bullshit right? and now everything is just too late.

baga ko ug naung

status:single
~the last thing i wanna be right now.
but then, everything that comes out of my mouth is bullshit right? i wish i had the courage to even say it.but i didnt. now its months too late.
wala nakuy mabuhat.
being single is the last thing i wanna be right now.