Thursday, October 2, 2008

day 2 of the survivor series

i had someone choke the life out of me last night.

i felt the transition..the bluriness of vision, the bulging of eyes, the gasping of every breathe,the wheezing, the flailing of my hands. i guess it's every man's instinct that as much as he wants to die, he's goingto hold on to his dear life.
but i welcomed it. i welcomed everything.i was even glad that i am going to die. i knew and i am sure that there's just nothing going on for me now. i lost him. and i didn't know he was my life til he broke up with me.
every waking moment i feel like my gut was being punched over and over again and that my insides are spilling out while im walking and there's nothing i can do to get it back.
i cant say anything to him that will sound bullshit and overrated. im trying to make it simple.

he took a part of me that is unrecoverable and now i have to live without it.
so what exactly is the point of living if i am living without him?
im going to try and kill myself again tonight.

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